When tadpoles mature into frogs we attempt to describe their maturation by noting their size or their ability to swim or their ability to breathe out of water, etc. Each of these variables identifies a difference between tadpoles and frogs but, even if we had 100 ways of describing differences between the two, we’d never get them all. The bottom line is, frogs are different from tadpoles, yet each frog maintains the same genetic identity they were born with as a tadpole. They are different and yet they are the same.
The same can be said about our species.
Like tadpoles turning to frogs, kids transform into teens and teens transform into adults, just like we did. We all recognize some obvious adolescent physical changes and social changes (e.g. more interest in the opposite sex and groups, less focus on home and parents). Because the child turned teen’s ability to think also evolves, she/he is also better able to deal with intellectual complexity and develops a more secure sense of what is “Real” vs. how things are viewed from the perspective of Child’s Mind.
In our society, to acknowledge and support his early teen transition, we can call on the support of family and community. Christians celebrate Communions and Jews celebrate Bar and Bat Mitzvahs to acknowledge their child’s maturation into adolescence. Transitions from adolescence to adulthood are less obvious and less likely to be acknowledged.
Traditionally, the individual was initiated into adulthood by the tribe.
For centuries. the Greeks’ Eleusinian mysteries initiated their boys into men with the aid of psychedelics from 1100 to 1600 BC. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eleusinian_Mysteries )
African tribes initiate their teens at the onset of puberty to prepare them by clarifying sexual roles and to “ensure the shaping of productive, community-oriented responsible adults.” ( http://manuampim.com/AfricanInitiationRites.htm)
Our society lacks rites or rituals to systematically guide and direct our teens through this important teen to adult stage, leaving them to fend for themselves to navigate the challenging “white water” of adult transition.
Teens want to feel “ADULT”. They are driven to seek external recognition for competence, accomplishment and independence to support an internal sense of their new emerging self.
Drugs, promiscuous sexual activity, bullying and addiction to video games and electronic stimulation can all be understood from this developmental point of view which recognizes the teen’s unconscious attempt to discover an internal connection to what makes them feel good about themselves. While they are also likely to experience self-doubt, fear, isolation, and a lack of self-worth, they don’t understand that these emotional experiences are a normal part of the territory as teens transition into adulthood. Once a teen feels the permission and freedom to talk about their feelings, they can feel supported to make their transition without needing to resort to dysfunctional behaviors.
As Counselors, we have an opportunity to educate our clients and their families about these transitions and coach them to develop new ways to assist their teens to make this inevitable, challenging developmental shift in a healthy fashion.
Got any questions or comments? Write me at steve@shrinkdifferentradio.com or call in Mondays, between 4:30 and 5:30 Pacific Time at shrinkdifferentradio.com.