The Elder and the Sibling Society
I first read Robert Bly’s book, “Sibling Society” (1997) after my 50th birthday. I had just published my first book “Romancing the Shadow” and was preparing to “go on the road” to do some workshops, when I panicked. I asked myself, “Who am I to go out there telling others my ideas about the Psyche, Psychology, and the path of Self-Awareness and Self-Actualization?” “Why do I want to do that? What is my motivation? Am I just doing it for the personal Ego reward?” I concluded that simply seeking Ego gratification was not enough for me to make the commitment to take the risk of stepping into a more visible public arena.
Then I read “Sibling Society” wherein Robert Bly teaches, “If one is an Elder, a wise mentor, and refuses to take the seat of the Elder at the Family Table, there is no Elder, so what remains is a Sibling Society”.
While attaining a certain age certainly makes you Older and is worthy of respect, it doesn’t automatically qualify you as an Elder; one who carries wisdom for the tribe. In contemplation, with humility, I concluded that, yes, I am an Elder. Therefore, with Robert Bly’s assistance I recognized that, as an Elder, it was my responsibility to speak up, to participate in maintaining the voice of the Elder in our society.
Today, twenty years later, I am older and hopefully somewhat wiser. It is clear to everyone following what is happening in our country and on our planet that we are headed for turbulent waters. I see the necessity to support the Voice of the Elder today as being greater than ever. Therefore, I am still speaking out and I invite you to speak out as well.
As an Alcohol and Drug Counselor, Therapist or Coach there are folks who regularly rely on you for guidance and support because they trust they will benefit from the education and guidance they receive.
Have you as a Counselor, Therapist or Coach, come to recognize and acknowledge yourself as having an ability, a talent, or a skill, to assist others to better handle often tumultuous circumstances of their lives?
Have you observed enough people benefiting from consulting with you, that you are prepared to step into that “seat” which comes to those who can humbly acknowledge to themselves that they do in fact have something of value to offer as a Counselor, Therapist or Coach? For real.
Are you ready to step into that seat of an Elder, willing to speak up to assist others to handle emotions and certain life situations with which you are familiar?
For instance, we can support others to get things off their chest, to release pent up emotions, by suggesting a “Feelings Conversation” where folks just listen to each other. There is no argument or discussion over right or wrong or good or bad, but only an opportunity to express feelings and attitudes. This allows folks to be witnessed, heard and understood without judgment or contradiction, releases tension and is healing for the Soul. Sharing a breathing exercise helps to ground the energy. (You can contact me at steve@shrinkdifferentradio.com and I’ll send you a breathing method you can use, share or learn to teach).
In these times I believe we will all benefit from asking ourselves, what is the best way for us to participate in supporting our values as we move into the future. Are you ready to speak up when you see others struggling with anxiety, agitation, depression or addiction?
When we speak up, we take a risk.
People may reject you, but that is the risk we must take when we recognize the internal responsibility to act or speak up, or to forever hold our peace.
What is important is that we know we are doing it for the right reasons and that it is always risky to own that Voice of the Elder because there are others who may challenge that voice.
Only you can decide if you are ready to take the seat of an Elder.
As the old Chinese proverb goes, “Teacher with no student in class by himself.”
TRUE STORY: A group of friends were concerned that one of us was struggling with alcohol addiction and that he was in denial of having a problem. I believed that I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I did not make an attempt to help him so I organized an “intervention” with a dozen family members and friends and arranged plans for him to enter into a program.
He was outraged, didn’t enter the program and didn’t speak to me for ten years. After achieving sobriety, he later thanked me for the effort, acknowledging that he wasn’t ready yet.
Please contact me with your questions and comments at
steve@shrinkdifferentradio.com or 312 818 0203.
Dr. Steve Wolf
Founder
Wolf Training Institute
www.tamingyouranger.com