Posted By Steve Wolf<\/p>\n

The FBI\u2019s definition of terrorism includes, \u201cintended (i) to intimidate or coerce a civilian population\u201d ( https:\/\/www.fbi.gov\/investigate\/terrorism )<\/p>\n

I define Bullying as the use of verbal (eg. name calling, shaming) or physical force, to threaten, abuse, coerce, dominate or intimidate another person.<\/p>\n

Therefore, I view Bullying as terroristic behavior which occurs all too often in our schools, in our streets, in our homes, on our computers, and in our politics.<\/p>\n

I also view bullying as a symptom of Violence, our cultural social disease.<\/p>\n

While many suggestions for treatment are offered to assist victims of bullying to address psychological\/emotional consequences from having been bullied and terrorized, few suggestions for treatment are proffered to encourage and support the bully to address any psychological\/emotional needs which contribute to his or her bullying behavior.<\/p>\n

Most proposals for controlling Bullying Behavior emphasize stopping the bully by educating teachers, students and parents to identify and report bullying behavior and by establishing consequences\/punishment for bullying; although some attempts are made to teach the bully to develop empathy and self-control.<\/p>\n

In the August 19th Dispatch column (https:\/\/tamingyouranger.com\/?p=5848 ) I referred to Dr. Gary Slutkin\u2019s suggestion that Violence ought to be identified and treated as an epidemic in our society, as he treated microbial and viral epidemics in Africa. From this perspective, bullying can be identified as a symptom of our society\u2019s Violent social disease. Treatment of this epidemic is particularly challenging because, unlike those suffering with yellow fever or malaria who know they are ill, neither the bully nor their school nor their family even recognizes \u201cthe bully\u201d as suffering from a disease. It\u2019s as if they drank some water which made them crazy but they didn\u2019t know they were crazy because so many others drank the same water, who think and act in the same crazy ways.<\/p>\n

They can, therefore, justify their bullying behaviors by telling themselves, \u201cI don\u2019t have a problem, I\u2019m just like them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Psychologically speaking, bullies are unconsciously identified with the thoughts, feelings and body sensations which precede and provoke their bullying behavior. Many bullies don\u2019t even recognize when they are engaging in bullying behavior let alone recognize their \u201cbullying\u201d thoughts, feelings or body sensations as symptoms of a deeper psychological, emotional and physical disorder which repeatedly causes predictable negative consequences for themselves, for those they love and for people they don\u2019t even know at all.<\/p>\n

Because most bullies are unaware of the fact that they are suffering from a psychological, emotional and physical disease they have little motivation to seek help. I believe that we, as Therapists and Counselors, are in a position to explain this to them and offer some guidance to address it.<\/p>\n

I believe, like with most violent behavior patterns, for the most part, bullying begins in the home.<\/p>\n

From this point of view, bullying can be identified and addressed as a family pathology. \u201cThe bully\u201d can then be treated as a victim of bullying and all members of the family can then be challenged to address bullying as a family issue, vs. focusing on fixing \u201cthe Bully\u201d as the identified patient who has a behavior problem.<\/p>\n

Bullying in the home might not be so obvious as bullying at school or in cyberspace. Kids or teens can feel bullied by the ways parents tell them to eat their food, be quiet, turn off the internet, do their homework, brush their teeth or go to bed. Or it might be an older sibling, a neighbor\u2019s kid, a teacher or a cop who does the bullying. Or it might come from \u201cthe bully\u201d witnessing abusive verbal, emotional or physical bullying which occurs between other family members, even when those behaviors are not directed toward \u201cthe bully\u201d him or herself.<\/p>\n

Families often attempt to defend the bully, possibly wanting to deny any bullying that might be going on in their family home. Most of the time I don\u2019t believe those early denials and I will challenge parents to answer questions like, \u201chow do you address your kids or your spouse when you get angry, frustrated, annoyed or overwhelmed?\u201d, or \u201cWhat might cause your son or daughter to feel bullied in your home, regardless if you (the parent) think you are bullying them or not\u201d.<\/p>\n

This can then open the door for the family to begin to learn and practice new ways to communicate wants, frustrations, limits and disagreements. As the family dynamic changes \u201cthe bully\u2019s\u201d sense of safety, self-worth and empowerment in the home will be enhanced and bullying behavior outside the home will be reduced.<\/p>\n

Easier said than done because this approach requires the family to be willing to invest in exploring their own behaviors and relationship patterns, rather than remaining focused on \u201cfixing\u201d the bully while ignoring dysfunctional family patterns.<\/p>\n

Call me 4:30 Monday, Pacific time or write me at steve@shrinkdifferentradio.com<\/a> and let me know your thoughts, questions, and feelings about these ideas.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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