BY DEVELOPING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will really harm me.
It has been said that the Law is the lowest level of socially acceptable ethical behavior. Thankfully, most of us do better than that.
Referring to the National Coalition of Domestic Violence (NCADV.org) for a legal definition, they define Domestic Violence as “the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another.”
Most relationship patterns which escalate to unlawful physical or sexual Domestic Violence are preceded by and include patterns of Verbal Abuse. Although they may not fall within the legal definition of Domestic Violence, I believe that repeated patterns of verbal abuse should also be identified and addressed as being abusive behaviors.
Therefore, Couples who learn to identify and address abusive verbal patterns early on can develop new patterns for emotion expression to improve their relationship and prevent physical or sexual abuse from erupting in their future.
Question: What is verbal abuse?
Answer: As long as they don’t cross the line by breaking the law, each couple gets to decide for themselves what is acceptable and what is not. If either partner speaks up about feeling abused during arguments or discussions, then the relationship itself is challenged to deal with that. Mostly, its the voice of the one who feels they are being abused who is more likely to bring it up for discussion. If he/she is unwilling or unable to bring it up, it will remain unaddressed. If it remains unaddressed the pattern will persist and probably increase in some ways.
Everyone knows that Feeling is a different way of knowing than thinking. And, while everyone knows that people with high IQs are intellectually smarter than people with low IQs, not everyone knows that people with high EQ’s are emotionally smarter than folks with low EQ’s, or what that even means.
Unlike IQ which remains fairly stable throughout life, EQ, can be developed. Folks can become emotionally smarter. In other words, folks can become more able to handle stress, identify and communicate feelings, better able to listen to each other, more understanding and develop better self-controlled, particularly when they become annoyed and angry.
In other words domestic violence can be decreased by developing emotional intelligence.
The foundation for our Taming Your Anger and CoupleZwork programs rests on understanding the Building Blocks for Emotional Intelligence which provide a foundation for the development of emotional intelligence, becoming emotionally smarter. Integrating them does not just educate you. They can act as a catalyst for you to grow smarter.
For further information contact me at steve@TamingYourAnger.com