In the same way that most of us don’t require Court Mandated Anger Management classes to learn better ways for expressing anger, most of us do not require Court Mandated Domestic Violence classes to learn to become less reactive, more respectful, more tolerant, less critical and more loving, especially in primary relationships.

If you are being physically or sexually coerced, clearly you are tolerating Domestic Violence. This is illegal and in my opinion, goes beyond acceptable limits.   I recommend paying it immediate attention. Today I would prefer to address Verbal Domestic Violence (VDV) which too often remains unidentified, accepted and tolerated as normal even in the “best of families”. I would define VDV as any pattern of verbal behavior in a relationship which causes one or both to feel attacked and fearful to express him/her self.

Paradoxically most of us do just fine when it comes to expressing ourselves respectfully with almost everyone in our lives other than our primary partner.  It is in these primary relationships with people we love the most where folks are most likely to judge, criticize and berate each other, even when things seem to be going along quite well.

I believe the best times to address issues involving verbal domestic are in fact when things are going along quite well: prevention is preferable to treatment.

The key word here is “pattern”.  To state the obvious, it’s a pattern when you find yourself re-experiencing the same kind of unpleasant feelings during discussions with your partner. Do you often feel judged, criticized, berated and hesitant or fearful to express yourself?  If so and you haven’t already done so, you can now acknowledge to yourself that you are tolerating VDV.  If it’s a pattern between you and your partner you can then ask yourself “how do each of us participate in the repetition of this pattern and what can we do to change that pattern”.

I suggest inviting your partner to join you to look at VDV patterns in your relationship, to learn to better express and understand each other while preventing the inevitable creation of even more intransigent negative patterns over time.   If you prefer not to disclose your feelings with your partner because you don’t feel safe even having that conversation, this can serve as another early warning signal that you are on a slippery slope which you will benefit from addressing sooner rather than later.

If you’re not ready to have that conversation, you can then ask yourself,

1) “What am I waiting for in order to be ready to talk about the VDV patterns I recognize as occurring between me and my partner?”

2) The next question is, What’s my next step?”

• I could allow things to remain the same and see how I feel if the pattern repeats itself.
• I could have a conversation with my partner and see how she/he feels about it.
• I could talk with a confidant I trust to help me possibly take a different point of view.
• I could seek out professional assistance with a counselor.

At the Wolf Training Institute, we believe everyone benefits from learning to better manage their emotional reactivity with those we love, for it is with them that we have the deepest emotional connections and its these relationships which mean the most.

Our CoupleZwork.com program teaches a method for couples to learn together to communicate emotionally sensitive issues so that both feel heard and understood and to increase the love they share.

For further information please contact me at steve@coupleswork.com .

And check out my weekly radio show podcast which includes an interview with someone in the field of psychology: shrinkdifferentradio.com  a place for intelligent conversation about psychology.

Domestic violence is a tricky issue to discuss.  People can be quite sensitive over being accused of being abusive or violent.  A not infrequent response to this accusation might be, “that’s not violent, that’s just the way we did it back home” while the other partner, having had a different upbringing, might experience it as being quite abusive.

In order to address Domestic Violence (DV) you have to begin at the beginning. i.e. recognizing that a Domestic Violence pattern is in fact occurring.  No one can do it for you.  Until you yourself recognize that you are participating in a DV pattern, either by being abusive or by tolerating abuse or both, nothing is going to change, for the better.  I will discuss how we define DV, how we identify it when it occurs and how to best discuss it with your partner.

The preferred time to address verbal abuse patterns is when the pattern first becomes identified.  When uncomfortable verbal patterns remain unaddressed because you don’t want to make a big deal out of a small incident, it is more likely to reoccur than if it was “nipped in the bud”.

QUESTION 1: WHAT IS A DOMESTIC VERBAL ABUSE (DVA) PATTERN? 

ANSWER: One or both partners are expressing themselves in ways which cause the other partner to feel criticized, attacked or berated and fearful to express themselves.

I provide the following guidelines for beginning to identify and address DVA patterns in relationships:

I     – IDENTIFY YOUR EARLY WARNING SIGNALS 

Question 2: How do you know if you are experiencing Domestic Violence (DV) or Domestic Verbal Abuse (DVA)?

Answer:  Other than adopting the legal definition* which defines DV as physical or sexual abuse, there are no clear definitions of domestic verbal abuse. Therefore, the definition of DVA depends upon each individual’s point of view.  One partner in the couple might consider Yelling beyond a particular decibel level to be DVA.  The other might feel like she/he is being Verbally abused.  One partner might justify their behavior as being their need to authentically express themselves while the other might feel falsely accused, criticized or berated.  While some might accept those patterns of behavior to be quite within an acceptable normal range, or do not.

When either partner is afraid to express him/her self about how they feel they are being treated by the other there is probably some kind of abuse going on which is contributing to their intimidation.

Question 3: How do you know if and when you are verbally abusing your partner or you are being verbally abused?

Answer:  It depends on your definition of Domestic Verbal Abuse?

What patterns of verbal expression cause you to feel you are being abused?

What is acceptable behavior for you and your partner in your relationship and what is not?

(You will benefit more if you write your answers down.)

Question 4: What are your Early Warning signals? 

Identify the thoughts feelings or body sensations which can inform you when you are acting as either “the abuser” or of “the abusee” and that a VA pattern is occurring.

II:  – PREPARING TO DISCUSS VA WITH YOUR PARTNER

If you experience any confusion, ambivalence or uncomfortable feelings over planning to discuss the issue your partner we advise you to “put on your own oxygen mask first”: to lower your stress and anxiety and clear your mind.

Some folks experience some stress, anxiety, anger or disturbing or confusing thoughts.  If you do, we recommend dealing with yourself first.  If you minimize your own stress and anxiety before attempting to talk about it with your partner you are more likely to have a positive outcome, than if you do not**

III: The Discussion

1. A) Each partner clarifies what he/she considers to be “abusive” so that both partners feel heard and understood
2. B) Identify agreed upon limits of acceptable behavior within your relationship
3. C) Identify behaviors which are unacceptable to either one of you
4. D) Identify the behaviors which indicate that the VA pattern is occurring.
5. E) Establish how you want to communicate with each other when either of you recognizes that the VA pattern has been activated
6. F) Identify actions you agree to take if these same patterns continue to reoccur.

I welcome your questions and comments at steve@TamingYourAnger.com and listen to my podcast at shrinkdiffferentradio.com

*The National Coalition of Domestic Violence (NCADV.org)  defines Domestic Violence as “the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another.” http://www.ncadv.org/learn-more/what-is-domestic-violence)

**We will share with you (at no cost) our belly breathing for stress reduction and simple listening exercises to lower stress and clear the mind. We also provide guidelines to address anxiety issues.

Email – info@tamingyouranger.com

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will really harm me.

It has been said that the Law is the lowest level of socially acceptable ethical behavior.  Thankfully, most of us do better than that.

Referring to the National Coalition of Domestic Violence (NCADV.org) for a legal definition, they define Domestic Violence as “the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another.”

Most relationship patterns which escalate to unlawful physical or sexual Domestic Violence are preceded by and include patterns of Verbal Abuse.  Although they may not fall within the legal definition of Domestic Violence, I believe that repeated patterns of verbal abuse should also be identified and addressed as being abusive behaviors.

Therefore, Couples who learn to identify and address abusive verbal patterns early on can develop new patterns for emotion expression to improve their relationship and prevent physical or sexual abuse from erupting in their future.

Question:  What is verbal abuse?

Answer: As long as they don’t cross the line by breaking the law, each couple gets to decide for themselves what is acceptable and what is not. If either partner speaks up about feeling abused during arguments or discussions, then the relationship itself is challenged to deal with that.  Mostly, its the voice of the one who feels they are being abused who is more likely to bring it up for discussion. If he/she is unwilling or unable to bring it up, it will remain unaddressed. If it remains unaddressed the pattern will persist and probably increase in some ways.

Everyone knows that Feeling is a different way of knowing than thinking.   And, while everyone knows that people with high IQs are intellectually smarter than people with low IQs, not everyone knows that people with high EQ’s are emotionally smarter than folks with low EQ’s, or what that even means.

Unlike IQ which remains fairly stable throughout life, EQ, can be developed. Folks can become emotionally smarter. In other words, folks can become more able to handle stress, identify and communicate feelings, better able to listen to each other, more understanding and develop better self-controlled, particularly when they become annoyed and angry.

In other words domestic violence can be decreased by developing emotional intelligence.

The foundation for our Taming Your Anger and CoupleZwork programs rests on understanding the Building Blocks for Emotional Intelligence which provide a foundation for the development of emotional intelligence, becoming emotionally smarter.  Integrating them does not just educate you.  They can act as a catalyst for you to grow smarter.

For further information contact me at steve@TamingYourAnger.com

Regardless of one’s plan of action in the face of change, we all benefit from adapting to the stress of change, especially if it requires acceptance of an outcome which is not in alignment with our own preferences or values.  For instance, let’s look at what’s going on regarding LGBT issues in our culture. LGBT activists have worked diligently over the past 25 years or more to create change in our society. It required a vision, a plan, and consistent dedicated effort by many folks to not only change attitudes, but to change the law.  However, tens of millions of folks who did not share the same liberal attitudes toward LGBT issues are now having to learn to adapt to these changes. Traditional, conventional attitudes which do not embrace these liberal LGBT issues have been in the collective psyche for hundreds or even thousands of years. Folks who are being asked to embrace practices like same sex marriage, shared gender bathrooms and the use of new pronouns to replace “his” and “hers” will require some time to deal with attitudes and feelings related to these cultural changes. They may feel helpless, fearful and angry because they, their children and others they love are being forced to accept behaviors as being the new normal which they have always believed to be abnormal and/or unacceptable.

While I personally have no problem with these gender related cultural changes, I do have a problem with labeling those who do have a problem as being “homophobic”, as if they were suffering from a disease. I would like to see more empathy and understanding from those who won the cultural gender battle toward those who lost the gender cultural battle.

The same holds true for those who feel they’ve won the cultural political battle after winning the presidency, the house, the senate and, shortly to tip the scale in the Supreme Court.  If we are to find success as our culture vacillates from one position to another in these turbulent times, to recognize the “other” with differing opinions and values as “one of us” will allow us to get to a place of balance and equanimity as a culture with fewer wounds and greater acceptance of whatever cultural transitions we go through as a society.

I welcome your questions and comments at steve@TamingYouAnger.com

Check out our weekly podcast at shrinkdifferentradio.com and explore our individual and training/certification programs at TamingYourAnger.com

How does Body Image affect us physically, emotionally and psychologically? How can we move beyond its negative influences?

How we feel about our body or about our body parts affects how we feel about ourselves. What do you like or dislike about your body? How do you feel about your hair, your face, your eyes, your nose, your lips, your shoulders, your breasts, your hips, your butt, your thighs, your legs or your feet? Did I leave anything out that you especially like or dislike about your body?

When one feels too fat or too thin or too ugly or too dumb they may also judge themselves to be inferior, unworthy, etc. These emotions are best dealt with when allowed to be released. When expression of these feelings is blocked, the feelings don’t just disappear. These blocked emotions influence what we attempt to hide about ourselves, how we want to appear, the kind of clothes we wear, our posture, how we sit, stand, move across a room, speak, shrink into our shoulders, expand our chest or tuck in our belly.

Repetition of unconscious emotional attitudes (e.g. feeling small or wanting to appear powerful) contribute to developing and maintaining unconscious habit patterns in the physical body.

Over time, we can become aware of some of these body patterns, as a tightening in our neck or back or pelvis or find ourselves collapsing our spine, slouching, grinding our teeth or jutting out our shoulders or our chin in a funny way. All of these can be understood as unconscious consequences of negative Body Image.

Often times a person’s body image is unrealistic. For instance, at an extreme, the anorexic who weighs 90 pounds thinks and feels that she’s too fat. Or, less unusual, a female or male may think they are ugly because they don’t look like Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt while they are viewed as “attractive enough” by most people they meet.

Body image can be Conscious and Unconscious.

When body image is conscious we can identify what we like or dislike about our body. However, we might remain unconsciously identified with negative ideas, attitudes or feelings about ourselves based on that negative body image.

For example, the smallest sibling in a family might, as an adult, unconsciously feel small among groups of people. This could cause her/him to unconsciously want to stand out to be noticed in public; but, when alone, tend to slouch their back while feeling unloved, unchosen or depressed without someone to perform for, all the time remaining unconscious that this is exactly how it felt to be the smallest sibling in their family origin.

Or, an only child might, as an adult, speak loudly with an arrogant demanding tone of superiority or self-importance, expecting to be heard, listened to, chosen as the center of attention while remaining unwilling to acknowledge, even to themselves, that they have a fault, because that’s what it was like for them in their family of origin.

Regretfully, all of us are challenged to identify the impact of our unconscious negative body images since all of us carry unconscious influences from early childhood emotional experiences. We can either attempt to identify and correct these unconscious negative body patterns or, when left unaddressed, they will continue to develop into more rigid body patterns over time, like unflossed teeth can lead to more serious dental problems.

So what can we do about our negative body image? What can we do to free ourselves of some of these old physical/emotional/psychological habit patterns?

Some people are spending tens of thousands of dollars today, for nip and tuck cosmetic surgery to change their body with the hope of changing their body image to feel better about themselves.

Dan Bienenfeld’s Hellerwork is another way. By releasing stored emotion from the past and restoring the body to its more balanced, aligned orientation, old physical patterns can be replaced with new healthy ones which, in turn, can also free the individual from negative thoughts and feelings they have been carrying since childhood.

Psychotherapy that focuses on identifying and releasing stored memories is another way.

Please send your questions and comments to www.steve@shrinkdifferentradio.com

Dr. Steve Wolf Founder Wolf Training Institute www.tamingyouranger.com

Our classes are a combination of online instruction and one-on-one phone coaching. During this 6 week program, you will be guided through exercises designed to discover your unique anger triggers and how to safely discharge and release the emotions. You will learn to use the 4 Tools for your best life.

We offer a two-fold guarantee. First, our program is accepted by the courts and authorities. Second, we guarantee a change in your behavior. Everyone who completes the course will experience a change in their behavior, or we will refund your money. This two-fold guarantee makes our program stand apart from all the others.

The same can be said about our species.

Like tadpoles turning to frogs, kids transform into teens and teens transform into adults, just like we did.  We all recognize some obvious adolescent physical changes and social changes (e.g. more interest in the opposite sex and groups, less focus on home and parents).  Because the child turned teen’s ability to think also evolves, she/he is also better able to deal with intellectual complexity and develops a more secure sense of what is “Real” vs. how things are viewed from the perspective of Child’s Mind.

In our society, to acknowledge and support his early teen transition, we can call on the support of family and community.  Christians celebrate Communions and Jews celebrate Bar and Bat Mitzvahs to acknowledge their child’s maturation into adolescence.  Transitions from adolescence to adulthood are less obvious and less likely to be acknowledged.

Traditionally, the individual was initiated into adulthood by the tribe.

For centuries. the Greeks’ Eleusinian mysteries initiated their boys into men with the aid of psychedelics from 1100 to 1600 BC.  ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eleusinian_Mysteries )

African tribes initiate their teens at the onset of puberty to prepare them by clarifying sexual roles and to “ensure the shaping of productive, community-oriented responsible adults.”  ( http://manuampim.com/AfricanInitiationRites.htm)

Our society lacks rites or rituals to systematically guide and direct our teens through this important teen to adult stage, leaving them to fend for themselves to navigate the challenging “white water” of adult transition.

Teens want to feel “ADULT”.  They are driven to seek external recognition for competence, accomplishment and independence to support an internal sense of their new emerging self.

Drugs, promiscuous sexual activity, bullying and addiction to video games and electronic stimulation can all be understood from this developmental point of view which recognizes the teen’s unconscious attempt to discover an internal connection to what makes them feel good about themselves.  While they are also likely to experience self-doubt, fear, isolation, and a lack of self-worth, they don’t understand that these emotional experiences are a normal part of the territory as teens transition into adulthood. Once a teen feels the permission and freedom to talk about their feelings, they can feel supported to make their transition without needing to resort to dysfunctional behaviors.

As Counselors, we have an opportunity to educate our clients and their families about these transitions and coach them to develop new ways to assist their teens to make this inevitable, challenging developmental shift in a healthy fashion.

Got any questions or comments?  Write me at steve@shrinkdifferentradio.com or call in Mondays, between 4:30 and 5:30 Pacific Time at shrinkdifferentradio.com.

Known fact (if you believe in Science): Stress is unhealthy, to say the least.

For instance, let’s look at the recent emergence of LGBT acceptance in our society: On the one hand, LGBT political activists have worked diligently over the past 25 years or more to create changes in our society. It required a vision, a plan, and consistent dedicated effort by many folks to first change attitudes and then to change the law.  Now, while LGBT activists have succeeded, tens of millions of folks who do not share their same liberal attitudes toward LGBT issues are, nonetheless having to learn to adapt to these changes.

Traditional, conventional heterosexual attitudes which do not embrace these liberalized LGBT tenets have been in the collective psyche for hundreds or thousands of years. Therefore, folks who are now being asked to accept practices like same sex marriage, shared gender bathrooms and the use of new pronouns to replace “his” and “hers” may require some time to deal with attitudes and feelings related to these cultural changes. They may feel helpless, fearful and angry because they, their children and others they love are being exposed to and forced to accept LGBT behaviors as the New Normal, whereas they have always believed these behaviors to be unacceptable and/or abnormal.

So, on the other hand, while our laws have changed, millions of we Americans are having difficulty transitioning into acceptance of this recent, emergence of LGBT values and behaviors into our culture at large.  Many remain committed to setting back the clock by attempting to reverse laws to return to more conservative, restrictive times.

Those who remain upset about our new LGBT state of affairs therefore experience additional stress in their already stressful lives, which can lead to increased emotional pressure, agitation, anger expression, or addictive behaviors.

Even if the present outcome of expanded freedoms for LGBT individuals proves to be only temporary, those who are stressed over accepting today’s more liberal cultural values would benefit from learning to reduce their stress when confronted with our nation’s present day circumstances as they are.

While I personally have no problem with our gender related cultural changes, I do have a problem with labeling those who may have a problem adapting to these changes as being “homophobic”, as if they were suffering from a diagnosable disease. I would like to see more empathy and understanding from those who won the cultural gender battle toward those who lost the cultural gender battle, while they make their adjustment.

The same holds true for those who feel they’ve won the cultural political battle after winning the presidency, the house, the senate and, shortly, tipping the scales of the Supreme Court.  As we seek common ground, our culture is vacillating from one position to another in these turbulent times. To recognize the “other” with differing opinions and values as “one of us” rather than as “the enemy” will assist us to achieve balance and equanimity in our society.

TAKE AWAY: – practice patience with those who hold differing points of view. Acknowledge your differences and let them know you understand and recognize the difficulty they are having accepting present circumstances.  You might also let them know that you are also having difficulty accepting other aspects of recent cultural change regarding issues they may be in favor of.

I welcome your questions and comments at steve@TamingYouAnger.com

Check out our weekly podcast at shrinkdifferentradio.com and explore our individual and training/certification programs at TamingYourAnger.com

That’s what it’s like for those who need to make an emergency visit to the dentist to treat painful cavities or gum disease caused from not brushing or flossing their teeth. It is their pain that drives them to seek out dental care to fix their problem and learn to avoid creating problems in the future.  It is their pain that brings them to realize they can learn to take better care of themselves.

Similarly, many people avoid “going on a diet” until they feel they are too fat or they are told to do so by their medical doctor while others choose to maintain a healthy diet to avoid getting fat or to avoid creating serious medical conditions in the first place.

When it comes to dealing with psychological and emotional issues, regretfully, most of us act like that proverbial camel.  We continue to carry the same old emotional baggage until it feels like its breaking our emotional backs.

We humans do our best to tolerate uncomfortable behavior psychological and emotional patterns in ourselves and within our relationships until we can’t stand it anymore, until we feel suffocated, “at the end of our rope”, or “at our wits end”.  For the most part people who seek out either individual, couples or addiction counseling do so only because they have reached the point that they are no longer willing to tolerate things as they are.

Only then do we feel ready to do what it takes to change these psychological/emotional patterns by attempting to educate ourselves and/or by seeking guidance from a professional.

Part of the reason for this is attributable to the fact that most of us learned what we know about psychology and about relationships from what we experienced in our family of origin, what we observed in other families and what we were exposed to in the popular media.   Very few of us were ever taught about emotions or psychology in high school or in college and even fewer of us were taught about what to expect in relationships.

Several years ago I taught a class in Emotional Intelligence at USC dental school to a dozen students in their dental program, one of the finest in the country where only the brightest and most qualified are admitted. Only four of them had ever taken a psychology class in college and only two of them and taken more than one.

This was startling information for me although maybe it should not have been. The only students who take anything beyond introductory psychology are those who are “planning to go into the field”, even among this elite group of students.

Yet most, if not all, of our major life decisions are based on our emotions while most folks don’t even have a clear definition of what an emotion is or how it is similar to or different from a feeling.

So. I’m going to give you a two question pop quiz.  Answer these questions out loud: What is an Emotion?  What is a Feeling?

Many people define “Emotion” as a feeling and then they define “Feeling” as an emotion. In other words, they don’t really define either one, but seem to recognize that they are similar to each other.

I define “Emotion” as an impulse produced by the emotional brain (the limbic system) as heartbeats are impulses produced by our more primitive reptilian brain.  “Feelings” describe emotions as adjectives describe nouns.

I have found that the understanding of this distinction between emotion and feeling provides a building block for the development of Emotional Intelligence (EQ).  Unlike IQ which is said to remain constant throughout our life, we can develop our EQ.  We can become emotionally smarter.

Absorbing these definitions of “emotions” and “feelings” can support people to become emotionally smarter.  The good news is, developing EQ is like learning the benefits of brushing and flossing our teeth. It can help us to avoid creating greater pain in the future.

Are you satisfied with your level of Emotional Intelligence?

For further information, go to WWW.tamingyouranger.com

Please send your questions and comments to me, steve@Tamingyouranger.com and check out my Weekly podcast at Shrinkdifferentradio.com.

 “The best predictor of future behavior is past performance.”

  “Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.”

What is trust?

I define Trust as a measure of confidence in the consistency of an individual’s or an organization’s behavior.

Trust can also be defined as, “an emotion, based on one’s confidence that a person or organization is telling the truth”.  This definition of trust implies ethical integrity and a commitment to honesty about past events, present thoughts and feelings, and future intentions.

One’s degree of trust for another person or organization will depend upon which definition of trust is relied upon. For instance, let’s say you discovered for sure that someone lied to you about something.  E.g. That he or she denied being at a particular place at a particular time and you had a photograph indicating that he or she was in fact there. If this was the first time you caught them in a lie you might decide to make light of it. If it was the second time you caught them in a lie you might become wary about believing them. If it was the third time you caught them in a lie you might want to end the relationship, (although many times we don’t feel that we can). At this time, you might say, “I don’t know when they are being truthful and when they are not, so I don’t trust them at all.”

On the other hand someone else might say, “Of course I can trust this person. Since the best predictor of future behavior is past performance, and since he/she has repeatedly lied in the past, I can trust that he/she is likely to lie again. Therefore, I know that I will be taking a risk if I choose to believe they are telling me the truth in the future.  So, if I decide to “give them another chance”, any disappointment I may experience is rightfully my own responsibility because I can’t rightfully blame them if I decide to ignore what I already knew to be true about them.”

This may sound simple but, like most psychological issues, “it’s easier said than done”.

For instance, I know of one couple who fought frequently because she was always prompt and he was always late.  When she continues to show up on time and he continues to be late she continues to be pissed and he continues to feel criticized.  Because he resents the criticism, he distances emotionally and physically, and she feels neglected and unloved.

He clarified for himself how and why he creates the criticism by being late and she clarified for herself how she contributes to the distance by being critical.   Once each accepted responsibility for contributing to their own and each other’s negative pattern of disappointment, they figured out how to satisfy their own needs while supporting more intimacy between them as a couple.  She decided to bring reading material to read while she waited, and he would remind himself that he is setting them both up for frustration when he risks being late.

The same holds true when it comes to deciding who to trust in the public domain. For me, once I have clearly established to myself that someone lies, I listen to everything he or she might say knowing it could easily be a lie. Therefore, I continue to seek out those whom I trust to be speaking the truth while I watch with amazement those many folks who continue to be surprised when they continue to listen to known liars who continue to lie.

I welcome your comments and questions at steve@shrinkdifferentradio.com