Most people getting married do so with the best of intentions. They are usually “in love”, share common values and goals and are ready to commit to sharing their lives together “till death do us part”. However, the average marriage ends after 8.8 years, (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/17/sabrina-thompson-marriage-is-project_n_3942190.html) and “It is commonly claimed that half of all marriages in the United States eventually end in divorce”. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_in_the_United_States#cite_note-truthorfiction-20) If that’s true, and most surveys agree that this is a reasonable guesstimate, why do so many marriages end in divorce? And what does this suggest about the nature of marriage itself?
While marriages often appear to end because of issues involving money, sex or trust, I believe most divorces can be attributed to a lack of understanding of the developmental process of the Couple itself.
Like starting out on a river rafting trip we knew might be challenging, without really knowing what supplies to bring and without a map of the territory.
STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT
We are all familiar with the idea of stages of development for individuals, as we all go through stages of infancy, adolescence and adulthood. We are also familiar with periods of teen age crisis; which we all traversed as we matured from being kids into becoming adolescents. We also understand that adults can experience a challenging midlife crisis as they struggle to make adjustments to the course of their lives.
I believe that there are also stages of Couple Development and that Couples also naturally experience developmental crises, just like we do as individuals.
I view the “Couple” actually exists energetically, as an energetic field and that if we had the right camera, we might actually begin to photograph it. As the Couple “grows” so do both partners and this naturally results in a crisis of commitment to renew the Couple. When this Couple’s Crisis appears there is often much conflict and pain and the participants are faced with the question of, “Shall I Continue or Shall I bail out of this raft”. This is the time when many couples quit because they feel like they are at the end of their rope together. They don’t know that they are in a developmental crisis and that there are ways to navigate the rapids which requires that both of them commit to the internal development of themselves and to each other.
Please send your questions and comments to me at steve@shrinkdifferentradio.com or you can go to www.CoupleZwork.com for more information.